Cogitations on facebook: This thing about envy
Yes. I am. Envious. Of some people on FB.
For instance, a long-ago boy, who was once a good friend. He's just married, well one year, and they've splashed romantic duo pics all over their albums.
Happy, smiley, doing the settled and married thing.
I've looked, with guilty feelings, more than once at these albums. And similar such albums of other friends, who've done the married with children/etc sort of thing. And end up the evening with the bitter taste of resentment.
Envy is an uncomfortable emotion. Less 'bad' among the vices one can have, it still remains a vice. And can lead to other ugly vices as well.
In Sri Lanka, there's a thing called 'As-weha/kata-weha' (poison eyes, poison mouth). That the envy of others seeing your good fortune can bring ill-luck. Hence, there is the constant jealous guarding of one's good things, hiding them away from the prying and malicious eyes of others around.
From my own experience, I feel there may be some truth in the poison that the envy of others can bring. After all, thought is the leader of action, and who knows, if I allow my envy to grow, what kinds of evil seeds I can sow to bring the downfall of those I am envious of?
And so, I've been fighting to get my head around this ugly feeling of envy for a while now.
I noticed though, that there's one family, three kids and dad and mom, whose family photos on FB give me joy and pleasure, when I look at them. I'll call them the Yellow Submarine Family, because the lady of the house used to drive this huge yellow van, more like a bus than a family car. Sometimes the photos on facebook of this family make me laugh. I feel warm when I see the joy they have in each other. If they've uploaded new pics, that's always something I like to savor with a well-made cup of tea.
So why the difference in my reactions, I asked myself.
I think it might be that, in the case of the Yellow Submarines, they opened their home, their family, their (delicious) meals, their warmth, and their art to me, and to a lot of other people. With them, I had the (one-time?) experience of seeing a non-dysfunctional family, when most of what I've seen with other familes, has been an inheritance of hurt and pain.
Their generousity and whole-hearted love takes away any resentment I could ever have of their happiness. I will despair if any of them are hurt.
But I think also that, the way to avoid other people envying one, is not to lift the bars higher and higher on my garden fence, or not reveal your happiness about life through various devious means.
Like the yellow submarine family, I think, the secret is simple. No need to make sacrifices of fruit and money to gods, no need to cut chillies and limes in two and stick them on your car or home, which is considered a sort of charm to ward off bad stuff.
The secret is, instead to share generously. By share, I mean more in terms of friendship, the bond, the warmth you enjoy in your family. I know people who give lots of their wealth and money away to needy people so generously, but are mean in simple love and friendship. Like the the simple attentions of a nod, an acknowledgement, a compliment, a reassurance, a replied email, a forgiveness of a clumsiness.
So guess, it's the meanness of fellowship, coupled with the splashing in public of their own inner joys and happiness, that creates the duo of envy and resentment.
So I know I will still struggle with controlling my unpleasant thoughts and feelings of such people. Yet, I am comforted on my difficult days with the thoughts of friends who have lives of abundence and also share their riches of love, companionship and joy with me and others with no hesitation.
For instance, a long-ago boy, who was once a good friend. He's just married, well one year, and they've splashed romantic duo pics all over their albums.
Happy, smiley, doing the settled and married thing.
I've looked, with guilty feelings, more than once at these albums. And similar such albums of other friends, who've done the married with children/etc sort of thing. And end up the evening with the bitter taste of resentment.
Envy is an uncomfortable emotion. Less 'bad' among the vices one can have, it still remains a vice. And can lead to other ugly vices as well.
In Sri Lanka, there's a thing called 'As-weha/kata-weha' (poison eyes, poison mouth). That the envy of others seeing your good fortune can bring ill-luck. Hence, there is the constant jealous guarding of one's good things, hiding them away from the prying and malicious eyes of others around.
From my own experience, I feel there may be some truth in the poison that the envy of others can bring. After all, thought is the leader of action, and who knows, if I allow my envy to grow, what kinds of evil seeds I can sow to bring the downfall of those I am envious of?
And so, I've been fighting to get my head around this ugly feeling of envy for a while now.
I noticed though, that there's one family, three kids and dad and mom, whose family photos on FB give me joy and pleasure, when I look at them. I'll call them the Yellow Submarine Family, because the lady of the house used to drive this huge yellow van, more like a bus than a family car. Sometimes the photos on facebook of this family make me laugh. I feel warm when I see the joy they have in each other. If they've uploaded new pics, that's always something I like to savor with a well-made cup of tea.
So why the difference in my reactions, I asked myself.
I think it might be that, in the case of the Yellow Submarines, they opened their home, their family, their (delicious) meals, their warmth, and their art to me, and to a lot of other people. With them, I had the (one-time?) experience of seeing a non-dysfunctional family, when most of what I've seen with other familes, has been an inheritance of hurt and pain.
Their generousity and whole-hearted love takes away any resentment I could ever have of their happiness. I will despair if any of them are hurt.
But I think also that, the way to avoid other people envying one, is not to lift the bars higher and higher on my garden fence, or not reveal your happiness about life through various devious means.
Like the yellow submarine family, I think, the secret is simple. No need to make sacrifices of fruit and money to gods, no need to cut chillies and limes in two and stick them on your car or home, which is considered a sort of charm to ward off bad stuff.
The secret is, instead to share generously. By share, I mean more in terms of friendship, the bond, the warmth you enjoy in your family. I know people who give lots of their wealth and money away to needy people so generously, but are mean in simple love and friendship. Like the the simple attentions of a nod, an acknowledgement, a compliment, a reassurance, a replied email, a forgiveness of a clumsiness.
So guess, it's the meanness of fellowship, coupled with the splashing in public of their own inner joys and happiness, that creates the duo of envy and resentment.
So I know I will still struggle with controlling my unpleasant thoughts and feelings of such people. Yet, I am comforted on my difficult days with the thoughts of friends who have lives of abundence and also share their riches of love, companionship and joy with me and others with no hesitation.
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