My un-altruism
In my last post I was examining the motives of a person who seemed to be taking certain actions for altruistic motives, but was not really getting there.
Though I love the thought of altruism, because it seems to me the most pure love of all, I hardly ever get there, possibly never.
Take my experience at my recent employment. It was an Indian restuarant, and the employer was a pretty mean chap. He paid wages below minimum wage, and in addition cut my wage when I made a few mistakes. He was angry and impaitant with me, and showed it quite well, despite it being only my second day. The shop was understaffed, so it required a genius work of taking orders, totaling bills, cooking samosas, bhajis, whatevers, wrapping and packing, and making sense of the non-english of the punjabi wife.
So, when I sent him a goodbye text, I danced with glee inside myself. I said 'take that, you mean bastard', as i pranced. Yet to him, I said nothing, I gave no reason for leaving.
The problem I have with myself is this.
On the one hand, I like what Ghandhi said, when a boy came to him, and said, Ghandhi jee, I was slapped by a bully and was humiliated. What should I have done. Ghandhi said rather than allow yourself to be humiliated, you should have slapped him back. These were the words of a man from whom the non-violence movement came about. But then, in the next sentence, Ghandi said, why were you humiliated?
So, in the case of this restuarant, I stood up to the owner, by leaving instead of staying and tolerating his bullying. And this bully did affect me, I was feeling terrible inside myself just in that short time, how would it be over a long period of time, where he broke my spirit?
So instead of allowing myself further violence, I moved away. And I did not use any violent tactic to do so. Yet, my action was not completely pure, because I was gleeful that he lost me. According to ghandian principles, we must sorrow for the person who hurts others, but at the same time stand up against it, and not be cowed.
So I failed. I am un-altruistic.
Though I love the thought of altruism, because it seems to me the most pure love of all, I hardly ever get there, possibly never.
Take my experience at my recent employment. It was an Indian restuarant, and the employer was a pretty mean chap. He paid wages below minimum wage, and in addition cut my wage when I made a few mistakes. He was angry and impaitant with me, and showed it quite well, despite it being only my second day. The shop was understaffed, so it required a genius work of taking orders, totaling bills, cooking samosas, bhajis, whatevers, wrapping and packing, and making sense of the non-english of the punjabi wife.
So, when I sent him a goodbye text, I danced with glee inside myself. I said 'take that, you mean bastard', as i pranced. Yet to him, I said nothing, I gave no reason for leaving.
The problem I have with myself is this.
On the one hand, I like what Ghandhi said, when a boy came to him, and said, Ghandhi jee, I was slapped by a bully and was humiliated. What should I have done. Ghandhi said rather than allow yourself to be humiliated, you should have slapped him back. These were the words of a man from whom the non-violence movement came about. But then, in the next sentence, Ghandi said, why were you humiliated?
So, in the case of this restuarant, I stood up to the owner, by leaving instead of staying and tolerating his bullying. And this bully did affect me, I was feeling terrible inside myself just in that short time, how would it be over a long period of time, where he broke my spirit?
So instead of allowing myself further violence, I moved away. And I did not use any violent tactic to do so. Yet, my action was not completely pure, because I was gleeful that he lost me. According to ghandian principles, we must sorrow for the person who hurts others, but at the same time stand up against it, and not be cowed.
So I failed. I am un-altruistic.
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